


Another Word, Another Story

by MoonFlare427



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Depression, F/F, Feels, GAAAYYY, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, possiblesmut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-23
Updated: 2017-10-23
Packaged: 2019-01-22 04:49:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12473840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoonFlare427/pseuds/MoonFlare427
Summary: Levi has been broken for a while. But he kept going, and kept fighting. Constant death a reminder that if he died all of them, they would go too. The titans now defeated he knows, he understands how useless he has become. He wasn't going to let that show, till he did.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first thing I'm writing for this website so bear with me while I figure out how this thing works, thanks for reading ~Leo

Levi P.O.V

I lay on my couch in my office. The world around seemed to be dulled, the once vibrant colors outside were now old and grey. Like that of a vintage photograph. 

My shirt was off and my skin was exposed to the chilled air of Survey Corps Headquarters. It was always cold. Whether there were torches lit or not I was always just... cold. 

I turned over and sighed through my nose. I held my hand up and looked across the scratched and ruined alabaster skin that passed across my vision. Names and dates scratched and scarred into the expanse of skin. The names and death dates of those who had fallen to the titans and their bloodlust. 

The memories of each death still fresh in my mind even after decades. I felt my body shiver. The first time I had really reacted to The deathly chill that constantly wrapped around me and bit at my bones. I wrapped my arms around myself, and the shivers came in waves. My body frozen, toes and fingers numbing. Like my body had finally realized how numbingly cold the world had been to me. 

I stood, and began to walk out of the office and to my room. It was late enough that no one should be out of their rooms to question the scars, the words. I walked past burning torches. And felt cold, always cold. 

I ran into a solid force. I was pushed to the ground when I bounced off of that, a wall of muscle. Eren.

He looked down at me. His eyes wide, in fear but also... shock. 

"Levi? Sir? Sorry! I had been cleaning the kitchen and... Levi?" His voice turned to worry, to question.

I stood," go to your room." 

 

He looked taken aback, and more worried."but-" 

I cut him off," go to your room." I raised my voice slightly. Shut him out, shut him out. Shut everyone out, if they know how you feel then they will treat you like a weakling. Emotions have no place in you. Shut him out.

So that's what I did. I shut him out, I hid my emotions. Like i always did. Like I always had.


	2. Hanjii Knows Too

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren knows the truth. The truth in thus case isn't good, and be he knows it. Eren knows and it's bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is pretty good so far ~Leo

I didn't care. I should have. When I woke up and got dressed Hanjii was waiting outside the door. They looked worried, and scared, but angry. I didn't understand how someone could be all those things at once but they were.

"What do you want Hanji?" I asked letting them in my room as I made tea. 

"Eren told me... about the names, the cuts, the scars. All of it. What he knows anyways..." Hanjii said in a resigned sad tone. It was quiet. Broken. Not like the Hanji I knew.

"So he did..." I said in a similar quiet tone. Wind blew through my open window, pushing my hair aside revealing my empty grey blue eyes. 

"Why? Why did you do that... Levi you... you're the strongest. But this..." they trailed off looking solemnly at the ground. 

"I'm not as strong.... as everyone thinks I am. "

"Then... then why are you still fighting? Why did you keep going if you wanted to give up?" They asked looking up at me from their chair tears in their brown eyes.

"Because I had to. To avenge my fallen friends and comrades. I had too, because I made a promise. And I don't regret it. Even for a second. Hanjii. I made a promise. To Isabel. To Furlan. To Erwin. To Petra. To every single person who fell to the titans. To myself. That I. would. Not. Give. Up. And I intended to keep it." I told her. Of the promises I had made. The promises that I had kept. That I still kept.

"Then what the hell is this!?" Hanji pulled up my sleeves, showing the skin, the names carved into it. 

"How I remember those promises."

"No. No Levi. Nothing justifies this. You... you've been hurting yourself. You know what that leads to? Suicide." 

Suicide. The word echoed in my mind. I pulled my hands back and covered my arms. "I'm still here aren't I?"

"What would Erwin think?"

"Don't you dare use that argument."

"I am."

"He knew." Hanjii looked surprised," he knew about this. He let me keep fighting because he understood. He knew. He knew it was a reminder. He helped me. Then He died. And now... now I'm alone again."

"But there are so many people with you. I am"

"Don't lie to me. No one is. No one ever has been."


	3. Insert a good chapter title here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I write to much ~Leo

There was silence for the rest of the day. No one came to check on me. No one bothered me. The bruise on the side of Hanji's arm and face, it showed how pissed I was, well how pissed I acted.  I just trained, and trained. I got food and ate alone. I didn't care. There wasn't anyone I wanted to eat with. Hanji changed. I regret hitting her but... There isn't a point in regretting and trying to change what's already been done. 

I sat alone in the mess hall and sighed. It was quiet. To quiet. I would have cleaned if I hadn't done that already. My arms ached and the only sound was the breeze pushing trees and leaves about outside.  

I stood and walked out, the whole world outside seemed to be engulfed in sullen silence, but in my mind, there was screaming. Me screaming for help, but I would never say the word aloud.  

I continued my walk, my pace steadily speeding up till I was running to the stables mounting my horse and riding off, to train, to breath I didn't know... I did know that someone was calling after me as I ride, my horse's hooves pounding into the stone below until I was riding across a field of tall grass, the sun shining and  setting above. It doesn't matter. It was irrelevant. I continued to ride before stopping just a few miles near headquarters, at the top of a hill. 

I watched the sun set. And set flowers at the two lone graves that were under the oak tree that was already changing colors. The headstones read Isabel Magnolia and Furlan Church, there were a few other words but I wasn't reading them. Those were the only graves on the hill. 

Sighing I mounted my horse and rode back to HQ. What I was greeted with surprised me. There were people, all either standing or sitting, waiting for me. Hanjii was at the forefront of the group.

"Levi. We need to know what's wrong. And we aren't moving till you tell us." She said, solemnly, like it was already decided, it probably was.

"Hanjii, just move this is ridiculous!" I yelled throwing my arms up after getting off my horse," besides Eren has to clean his room and a bunch of other stuff so I need to go get him."

"Not right now you don't."

"You got to be fucking kidding me..." I sighed and shook my head.

"Levi, we just want to know what's wrong okay?" Hanji stepped closer but then I put a hand out.

"Fine. Okay. I'll fucking tell you, if it wasn't obvious enough, all my friends ARE DEAD. Okay, Petra, Gunther, Aulo, Erd, Erwin, Isabel, Furlan, everyone. Wanna know what's worse? I'm fighting a losing war and we are not even doing anything, just worrying about bullshit emotional problems while people are DYING, While the fucking walls could break at any second because they are made of MOTHERFUCKING TITANS!! So you wanna know what's wrong?" I paused a moment.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Everything."


	4. Insert a good chapter title here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I write to much ~Leo

There was silence for the rest of the day. No one came to check on me. No one bothered me. The bruise on the side of Hanji's arm and face, it showed how pissed I was, well how pissed I acted.  I just trained, and trained. I got food and ate alone. I didn't care. There wasn't anyone I wanted to eat with. Hanji changed. I regret hitting her but... There isn't a point in regretting and trying to change what's already been done. 

I sat alone in the mess hall and sighed. It was quiet. To quiet. I would have cleaned if I hadn't done that already. My arms ached and the only sound was the breeze pushing trees and leaves about outside.  

I stood and walked out, the whole world outside seemed to be engulfed in sullen silence, but in my mind, there was screaming. Me screaming for help, but I would never say the word aloud.  

I continued my walk, my pace steadily speeding up till I was running to the stables mounting my horse and riding off, to train, to breath I didn't know... I did know that someone was calling after me as I ride, my horse's hooves pounding into the stone below until I was riding across a field of tall grass, the sun shining and  setting above. It doesn't matter. It was irrelevant. I continued to ride before stopping just a few miles near headquarters, at the top of a hill. 

I watched the sun set. And set flowers at the two lone graves that were under the oak tree that was already changing colors. The headstones read Isabel Magnolia and Furlan Church, there were a few other words but I wasn't reading them. Those were the only graves on the hill. 

Sighing I mounted my horse and rode back to HQ. What I was greeted with surprised me. There were people, all either standing or sitting, waiting for me. Hanjii was at the forefront of the group.

"Levi. We need to know what's wrong. And we aren't moving till you tell us." She said, solemnly, like it was already decided, it probably was.

"Hanjii, just move this is ridiculous!" I yelled throwing my arms up after getting off my horse," besides Eren has to clean his room and a bunch of other stuff so I need to go get him."

"Not right now you don't."

"You got to be fucking kidding me..." I sighed and shook my head.

"Levi, we just want to know what's wrong okay?" Hanji stepped closer but then I put a hand out.

"Fine. Okay. I'll fucking tell you, if it wasn't obvious enough, all my friends ARE DEAD. Okay, Petra, Gunther, Aulo, Erd, Erwin, Isabel, Furlan, everyone. Wanna know what's worse? I'm fighting a losing war and we are not even doing anything, just worrying about bullshit emotional problems while people are DYING, While the fucking walls could break at any second because they are made of MOTHERFUCKING TITANS!! So you wanna know what's wrong?" I paused a moment.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Everything."


End file.
